Ronan: It's Always Her... (Continued)(Short Story #9)

It's been since October that I've written a short story (remember those?!). I missed writing short stories on my characters from the A Tragic Heart series. I believe this series will always be my favorite and the characters will always be the most real to me which is why I write little blurbs about them...so I never have to let them go.

As promised, this one is a continuation to the last one and it's from Ronan's point of view. Clearly it would belong with the second novel, RED and jumps eight years into the future (from where RED left off). You can check out the first part to the story here: Ronan: It's Always Her...

Listen to "Close To You" by Rihanna on repeat while reading to get the full experience:

Ronan: It’s Always Her (Continued)

                There she was. Sitting across from me in an expensive restaurant in Los Angeles just talking away. She had a smile painted across her face as she spoke and her red hair was now dyed blonde; a new look is what she called it. She looked beautiful…even more beautiful than I could remember. Adulthood looked good on her and it was clear that she was far from that high school girl who broke my heart way back when. 

                She went on about her idea for the photoshoot she wanted to collaborate with me on. For the most part it sounded like a good idea but I couldn’t really tell you because I wasn’t listening much. I just kept thinking about how she was the most beautiful girl in the room…in the world. Just a few days ago I was with a gorgeous model in my bedroom and now here I am with my high school lover and thinking about just how unattractive that model was compared to her. She has no idea. 

                “Enough about work,” I interrupted her as I reached across the table and grabbed her hands. Her nails were painted black and her skin was smooth. “How have you been, Peyton?”

                She gave me a smirk before answering, it was almost a blush. “I’ve been great, actually. I’m in a really good place and things just keep getting better. I never thought I’d say that but…here I am,” she replied.

                “That’s good. You seem really happy,” I responded with a little disappointment in my tone. I was happy that she was happy but there was a part of me that wanted her to confess that she missed me. I wanted her to say that she still needed me even though we’ve been apart for eight years. 

                “Before coming here I got to spend time with Mason and the rest of the family. The kids are getting so big…they’re not even kids anymore. Can you believe that?!” she asked. “Lila’s going to be starting college soon!”

                Lila’s her baby cousin. Mason is her dad’s first cousin who took her in after both her parents died while she was still a baby. For her, his kids are basically her little sister and brothers. 

                “That’s crazy. Time really does fly. Who would’ve thought we’d be here? A lot has happened,” I said taking on a slightly tighter grip onto her hands. 

                “It really has. I can’t even keep up anymore,” she basically mumbled. 

                Before I could say another word the waiter came and interrupted us asking if we were ready to order. She wasn’t sure what she wanted so I ordered for the both of us. I told her not to worry she’ll love it and she responded with a “you always knew me so well.” 

                We talked more over dinner, mostly about work and how I would make her vision come to life. She loved my input and told me this is why I’m her go to person for things like this. We make a great team. If only she knew what that truly means to me. It’s crazy how she was the one to hurt me so I let her go but I’m the one longing for her again. Most people will say I’m insane but they’re obviously the ones who never met Peyton Hayley Giordano. 

                She suggested we go back to my condo where I have an in house studio. She wanted to get a visual of how things will be set up. Of course I wouldn’t object to it. She’s always welcomed in my home. Aside from being my ex she’s also one of my oldest friends. Nothing will ever change that. 

                We walked inside together and I offered her a drink. She declined. All she wanted was for me to show her to the studio so I did. 

                “I have an idea,” she announced. 

                I lifted my head to look at her, letting her know she had my attention. “What is it?” I asked. 

                “Let’s do things a little differently. I want a photoshoot tonight. Just on a whim kind of thing. All natural,” she replied.

                “Okay. Let me get my camera set up,” I said about to walk out of the room before she stopped me.

                “Here’s the catch!” she said staring at me biting her bottom lip. 

                “Go on,” I urged curiously.

                “I want to be nude. Nothing covered. All natural, like I said. No retouches, nothing but my natural self.”

                I was speechless. “Peyton-“

                “I wanted a shoot like this for a while and I could’ve asked anyone but I wanted you to do it. I mean, who better than you? You’ve already seen the package.”

                “That was years ago,” I replied. “It’s different now.”

                “Are you seeing someone?” she asked.

                “No. Not really,” I responded quickly.

                “Then what’s the problem?”

                The problem was I was still in love with her and seeing her that naked will definitely send me over the edge. I couldn’t tell her that though.

                “I’ll go get my camera.”

                When I came back she started to undress slowly. I watched her take off every piece of clothing and I wanted to forget about the photoshoot. I just wanted her. 

                “Ready?” I asked not able to take my eyes off of her.

                “As ready as I can be,” she said pushing her newly blonde hair out of her face. 

                We took shots on the bed, the shower, my balcony…almost everywhere. Not once did she feel uncomfortable. The photos came out beautiful. She was just about to start putting her clothes back on when I said something to get her attention.

                “What if I didn’t want you to put those back on just yet?” I asked boldly.

                She stopped and stared for a bit so I walked closer to her. She didn’t make a move. She seemed shocked. 

                “Roe, what are you saying?” she asked as I ran my fingers up and down her arm. I always loved the softness of her skin. 

                “I’m saying that I still have feelings for you and I can’t let you leave me tonight…not like this.”

                “Roe-I don’t think-“

                I cut her off with a kiss. She pulled back but before she could interrupt I kissed her again. This time she let it happen. She let her panties drop out of her hands and wrapped her arms around my waist. I guess this was happening on my balcony in the middle of the night. Let’s just hope paparazzi didn’t follow us here…

Don't forget to pick up your copy of RED and the rest of the series here: A Tragic Heart Series

 

 

Lust You (A Poem From Alex's POV + New Scene From RED)

I've actually been excited to create a poem from Alex's point of view for a while now. Alex is a very interesting character and I think he brings a fullness to RED. He's the antagonist in so many ways but he isn't all bad at the same time. Anyway, Alex gets himself into a pretty nasty situation (I won't give it up) and that's basically what this poem is about. Hope you enjoy it. And if you missed the last poem you can view it here.

I'm one second away from tearing off your clothes

Even though I know much better than this

It's the way your eyes look, the way your hair flows

I want to add you to my list

Isn't it okay if you act older than your age?

I mean, who would know if you don't tell?

Let's give a performance in my room, my bed will be the stage

 I'll buy whatever it is you're willing to sell

And I know this is supposed to be wrong

But I bite my lip and stare anyway

And to think it all started with a simple song

I think today just may be the day

That you forget about him

And let me win

I can't wait to hear the noise you make when I go in

God, this feels too good to be a sin

But you're more to me than just a body and lips

Although, I will admit I love the feel of your hips

When I'm holding you while you tighten your grip

I swear to God you take me on the best trip

I might've gone insane

Because this isn't right

But it's all pleasure, no pain

So I won't even fight

Well, well, well, there's your first taste of Alex Kinsley! Hope you enjoyed what you read. Here's the scene from RED that inspired this little piece. Only a few more weeks until RED's Valentine's Day release!

Alex: Control

It was a stupid decision but I make it anyway. Lust took over and I did something that I thought I could never do. I keep telling myself we’re not even a full eight years apart but it doesn’t make me feel any better. She’s not even eighteen. I knew we’d go this far I just pictured it happening a year from now. She tried so hard to ignore me the entire time we were together and that only made me want her more.

It was the song. Hearing her voice sing lyrics that hit so close to home didn’t help. It’s not just lust, I actually like her but I won’t be able to show it to anyone. I’m not worried too much about her boyfriend because they’re still young. They’re bound to break up eventually, right?

We didn’t speak for the entire car ride. She didn’t even say that she’ll see me later. I sit in my studio alone and roll a joint. God knows I need one. I play her track again and close my eyes as I inhale. I picture everything that happened in full detail from beginning to end. I can’t wait to see her again.

  

Character Profile From RED: Robyn West

January is here which means it's time for another character profile (this SHOULD be the second to last one since RED is slated for a Valentine's Day release). This profile is for a minor character in RED but she plays an important part in the main character, Peyton's life. She's her best friend and she's as loyal as they come. Allow me to introduce you all to Robyn West!

Full Name: Robyn Victoria West

Birth Date: July 20, 2010

Gender: Female

Age During RED: 16-18 years old

Eye Color: Brown

Hair Color: Brown

Height: 5'8

Weight: 125 lbs

Relatives: Marsha West (Mother), Garrett West (Father), Jeffrey West (Brother)

Relationship Status: Single/Too busy having a good time to be tied down

Interest/Hobbies: Partying, Hanging out with friends, Modeling

Positive Character Traits: Robyn is as loyal as loyal can get. She sticks by her friends and loved ones through any circumstance and never judges anyone. She's easy to talk to and would drop whatever she's doing at the drop of a dime for someone she cares about. Not only is she loyal but she's also giving.

Negative Character Traits: Sometimes she parties too hard but she's sure to grow out of it. She's young, let her have her fun!

Choice Quote From RED:  "Things may not go back to the way they were immediately, but I think eventually they will. It's just going to take some time..."

That's all I have for Robyn! Although she's a very minor character I feel she still deserves a character profile. Robyn is a beautiful person inside and out and I think we all can learn a thing or two from her. Forget her partying ways; she's someone we all should strive to be more like. As a reminder, RED comes out this Valentine's Day (February 14th) and is the second part to A Tragic Heart (which by the way will have a new cover for its re-release) so I strongly urge you all to catch up. Until next time...

By the way, if Robyn was a song she'd be Right Here by Jhene Aiko!

 

New Cover For A Tragic Heart (It's Pretty Awesome!)

Let me start off by saying that this cover is totally rad!!!!! I just posted yesterday that I needed a cover that would appeal to the target audience (young adults and early adults) but also conveyed the emotional attachment the book has and I think this is it. It's the same concept as the original cover but it's less graphic and a little easier on the average eye (and it definitely doesn't look like a science fiction book). Here's the new cover to A Tragic Heart that will be available once the novel is republished with Line by Lion.

A Tragic Heart Cover Change

For a while now I've been contemplating if I should change the cover to my debut novel, A Tragic Heart. While I love the original cover, there has been speculation that it may not be reaching the target audience. I've been told (by agents and publishers) that it's a great book but it may be overlooked simply because of the cover. Although we all know the saying "don't judge a book by it's cover" sadly most of us do exactly that. The biggest misconception is that the book is a sci-fi novel instead of a Young Adult/Coming of Age/New Adult novel. The original cover is supposed to depict the emotional turmoil of the book and the human heart shattering like glass is supposed to depict how fragile the characters are. People love it once they understand the meaning behind the cover but the issue is most people won't read it to give it that chance.

I'm going for a more traditional book cover this time around that has a similar concept but is more appealing to the target audience. Maybe once the book is out there I'll change the cover back to its original form but for now it's time for a change. I'll post the new cover once it's changed so you all can let me know your opinions. In the meantime, take a look at the original cover below and tell me what you think.

Character Profile For RED: Alex Kinsley

November's here! That means I have a new character profile for you all. This is another new character who is extremely important to the novel. He's sort of the antagonist and he's responsible for a lot of the trouble that happens. The book wouldn't be complete without him. He's a ladies man and a bad boy which are two lethal combinations. He gets his own POV here and there and RED wouldn't be so bright without him. Allow me to introduce you all to...

Alex Kinsley

Full Name: Alex Kinsley

Birth Date: June 28, 2002

Gender: Male

Age During RED: 24-26

Eye Color: Blue

Hair Color: Jet Black

Height: 5'10

Weight: 165 lbs

Relatives: Unknown as a result of Alex being disowned by his family.

Relationship Status: Kind of single, always ready to mingle!

Interests/Hobbies: Sex, Drugs, and Rock and Roll! He's also the drummer in a famous band

Positive Character Traits: He's a great lover and an amazing drummer/songwriter. 

Negative Character Traits: He's not a one woman kind of guy. He doesn't know how to love even when he feels it. Alex isn't known for making the best decisions and he's pretty stubborn. He likes to party and his reputation isn't the greatest in the tabloids...yet women love him!

Choice Quote From RED: "We have opened Pandora's Box and all of the sin of the world exploded within us...I've never felt so alive."

That's all for this month! Alex is a really interesting character that you will both love and really hate. He brings the book on a lot of roller coaster rides and I can't wait for you all to get to know him better. For now, I hope you all have a better idea of who he is. Remember, RED is the second part to A Tragic Heart and the second book in my RED TRAGEDIES series. You still have time to catch up before the release of RED!

By the way, if Alex was a song he'd be "Sweet Dreams (Are Made Of This)" by Marilyn Manson. 

Finding Yourself:Theme From RED

"I somehow managed to play the protagonist and the antagonist in this story"-Peyton Hayley Giordano (RED)

Last week I wrote about starting over after you already made those messy mistakes, dropped your ego and learned to forgive yourself and others. This week I want to talk about another major theme from RED: finding yourself. 

When you focus on starting over you have to also focus on finding yourself. After being dragged through the mud and experiencing disappointment after disappointment, you have to hit the restart button. Restarting also means that things are going to have to change. In the process of us being dragged by our hair while our face scraps against the cement we become someone different. We just have to find out who this person is. 

Finding yourself is critical in the process of starting over. If we don't gain a clear vision of who we are we'll just falter into another mess (and who wants that?). Not knowing who you are usually results in you falling for anything. Knowing who you are (and who you used to be) will help you stand firm in your beliefs, values, and follow the path ahead of you will little slip ups. 

In RED, Peyton is on a journey to find out who she is after never getting the chance to truly know her parents. All she has is her mother's journals and writings she kept on a flash drive to refer to. Her dad never got the chance to even know she was going to exist and her mom ended it all before she could even develop a memory. Most of us get the chance to learn who we are by reflecting back on how our parents were/are. Peyton never got that chance which makes her journey both difficult and interesting. She finds herself making many of her parents' mistakes but it's harder for her to deal with them because she has no idea her parents already went through it all. 

Peyton begins to find herself when she sees herself where she is. The quote above is her reflecting on her past behavior and mistakes after it all blows up in her face. This should sound familiar to most of us. We tend to find ourselves while we're attempting to start over after something blew up in our faces. It's almost like the wreck and disaster is what we needed to see clearly. While we're under water we finally make the decision to breathe. Peyton is no different. 

If you're currently in a situation that seems impossible, almost like you're drowning, I dare you to breathe. Open your lungs and learn something new; how to start over and find yourself in the process. Figure out what you learned and become the person you always wanted to be. Live like you're the person you want to be and soon you won't be acting anymore. We all make mistakes, we all have to learn when to drop our egos, we have to forgive ourselves along with others, we have to start over, and we have to find ourselves all over again. While you're becoming someone new you're going to get a lot of hate and judgment thrown at you but who cares? Well...judgment...that sounds like something I could talk about next week, doesn't it? Until then, keep on looking....

In the meantime listen to a song about finding yourself:

 

 

To Forgive Or Not To Forgive?: Theme From RED

"I closed the bedroom door behind me. I could feel her crying herself to sleep but I had no time for feeling sorry. She betrayed me and that wasn’t something I could easily forgive her for. I needed time to myself."-Mason (RED)

Forgiveness is a touchy subject but it's the topic I said I would talk about this week. Last week I talked about dropping your ego to become someone new and make a better life for yourself, and the week before that I talked about making mistakes and learning from them. These are all major themes in RED but forgiveness is probably one of the biggest.

As I mentioned before, my characters are far from perfect and they make tons of mistakes (maybe even more than the average person) which causes for a lot of forgiveness to take place. From the moment the novel starts, Peyton struggles with forgiving her mother for leaving her the way she did (readers of A Tragic Heart knows exactly what I mean). Mason and Adalyn has some obstacles to overcome within their marriage which means they both have to learn to forgive if they want to move on with their lives for themselves and for their family. Jackson (Peyton's uncle and Mason's ex-brother in law) also finds himself in the middle of a situation that requires forgiveness in order to move on. The same goes for Ronan.  

Forgiveness is something we all have  to learn. The truth is I'm not sure if forgiving is part of human nature. Our first instinct is never to forgive the person who wronged us or show grace towards them. When we feel betrayed our first instinct is to express anger and plot revenge. We have to train ourselves to forgive and love that person in spite of whatever it is they've done. The characters in RED struggle with the same issue.  Some of the issues seem unforgivable while others are a bit lighter to digest. 

“That’s not stupid, it’s called being young! You and Marcus had a hurtful history and it’s normal to want to find comfort in a person who caused you so much pain. Alex was a complete mistake and you have to forgive yourself for it. That’s the hardest part…forgiving yourself. Once you learn how to do that, you’ll be happy.”-Adalyn (RED)

Forgiving isn't always an action you have to show someone else. Sometimes we have to learn to forgive ourselves just as much as we have to learn to forgive another.  Forgiving ourselves sometimes mean we have to forget whatever it is that we've done and move on. It's not easy but we can't spend our entire lives dwelling on something that's in the past. After a while you're going to have to learn to pick yourself up and say "I forgive you" and keep it moving. Even if the person you wronged hasn't forgiven you yet, still, forgive yourself. You deserve it. This is something Peyton, Adalyn, and Mason must learn. As humans, we can do some pretty horrible things but that doesn't mean we have to punish ourselves forever. Forever is a long time and you deserve to be happy and guilt free for whatever remaining time you have left here. 

"She didn’t only humiliate me. She publicly humiliated me. How am I supposed to get past this? How am I supposed to forgive her? But mostly, how am I supposed to forget this?"-Ronan (RED) 

Some acts of betrayal are so terrible that we convince ourselves that there's no way we can ever forgive that person for doing what they did to us but the honest truth is that it isn't true at all. No matter how horrible the act or how much that person humiliated you, you can get over it and learn to forgive them. It doesn't  mean you have to be best friends again, it just means that you're no longer letting what they did consume your life or thoughts. You have better things to think about. Sometimes it feels impossible to forgive if you can't forget what happened but it gets easier with every day that goes by. It all takes time. We can't expect to be forgiven when we do something wrong if we can't forgive others when they wrong us. 

So today, I hope that you learn that whatever happened to you (or what you did to yourself) isn't the end of the world. Get up, forgive yourself or whoever turned their back on you, and move on. It's not the end of the world and life goes on whether you like or not, so why not make it a little more peaceful? Learn from your mistakes, drop your ego, and forgive so that you can start over. Start over...that sounds like a great topic for next week, eh?  

Here's a song that teaches us all about forgiveness...and love!

Drop The Ego: Theme From RED

"My ego is nervous. Anxious. Guilty. My ego is red."-Peyton Hayley Giordano (RED)

So the last time I focused on the theme of mistakes and how we all have our favorite ones to make. I ended it by stating we can learn from those mistakes and start over if we learn to drop our egos. I'm sticking to that statement!

The concept of the ego, superego, and id is a major focus within the novel, RED. In fact, I based the entire book on Sigmund Freud's theory of the id, ego, and superego (so look out for all the symbolism!). It's always been something that fascinated me because I've always believed we all have some good, bad, and a little better in us. My characters are no different.

During specific parts of the novel you'll witness my main characters following the devil on their shoulder, listening to the angel, and sometimes just following exactly who they are. It's troubling and will make you want to pull your hair out if you get too into it. But isn't that life? 

The ego can be a good thing or it can be the worst thing for us. As Freud believes, our ego is who we are and we can't necessarily change that all the time; we can just give into our superego (the better version of us) or the id (that very naughty part) from time to time. During the novel, the main character Peyton is trying to find herself while constantly trying to be a better person (although it fails majority of the time). The process is long and even feels a lot like suffering but she's on a journey to learn how to be better.

I believe a lot of us are on that same journey. One thing we don't understand is that sometimes we have to drop who we are (our egos) in order to be better. Sometimes we have to follow who we think we are or want to be (our superego) in order to see a difference. It's hard but it's reality. This is something Peyton is going to struggle with for much of the novel.

We make countless mistakes and try to fix them but ti always falls through. it's because we didn't learn how to drop the ego. There are times you have to ask yourself, "what would I do?" and then do the opposite. We're not always right and we're not as great as we think we are sometimes. We all strive to be that superego, or in fact, many of us believe we already are our superegos which is why we fail to change or acknowledge that we're wrong. 

I'm not saying who you are isn't good enough, I'm just saying we all need to recognize when who we are isn't good enough so we can follow or try something different. No one is perfect one hundred percent of the time. We often need help and different perspectives to make things right. We can't do that if we only follow our ego. 

Whether your ego is big or small, you just have to remember that sometimes you have to alter the usual things you would do in order to make it. Trust me, I know it's hard. How do you make a decision that's not like you? It's the only thing you know how to do! You've been you your whole life! Well, it's not an impossible task. There are times we have to tell ourselves, "okay, it's time to drop the ego and suck it up!" if we want to see a change. There's no getting better without making mistakes and dropping the ego. How else do you expect to forgive yourself and others around you? Hmmmm, forgiveness...that sounds like another major theme in RED.

While there are times to drop the ego, there are also times when we should serve the ego as well. Just listen to Jewel in the video below...

Sneak Peek of RED!

Today I am feeling very generous so I'm going to give you all a sneak peek on my upcoming novel, RED. It's the intro along with the first few pages. It's unedited so some things may change but I think it's a nice introduction to the novel. For those of you who read A Tragic Heart, you'll completely understand where this is taking off from. The rest you still have time to catch up, but for now I hope you enjoy it. So, here it is:

Intro

Red hair. Green eyes. Perfect Smile. Curves in the right places. I’m a knockout, but not only in the physical department. I’m a knockout at home, in school…in every aspect of my life. Poor Mason. I don’t mean to be so cruel but he’s not my dad…and Adalyn, she’s not my mother…and they never will be. My parents left me before I could even figure out who they were to me. My dad didn’t have much of a choice but my mother…she chose…she had a choice and I think that’s what hurts the most. The selfish bitch didn’t even love me enough to stay…who does that?

            Mason’s struggling through it all even after all of these years. I guess some things just leave a mark that can never heal. I feel bad for him, I really do, but it’s not enough. Adalyn tries to pretend she doesn’t notice but she sees it…she sees it every day       

            They try so hard to include me in everything…to make me part of the “family.” Mason spends more time on me than he does on his own children. Maybe because I need the attention more than they do?

            Lila’s their oldest. She’s nine and an honor student. In other words, she’s perfect and beautiful. Her eyes are just like Mason’s…captivating and piercing green. Ryan and Nick are fraternal twins. They’re two years younger than Lila and I don’t know how Mason and Adalyn did it, but they’re just as perfect as Lila…in school at least. Maybe I would’ve been perfect too if my parents were still here…or at least if my mom tried. But how can I be perfect when my parents were who they were?

            I’m far from black and white and I’m never shaded gray. I’m never blue and I can never be a pure white…I’m all red…always red.

 Peyton: Darkness

I walk into a dark, quiet house and slowly close the door behind me. I hear Marcus’s car pull off and I almost made it in without anyone noticing; or so I thought. Mason must’ve been waiting up for me because as soon as I turned around he was standing at the bottom of the staircase. I jumped a little since I was expecting to get away with it, but it’s not like it was the first time.

            “Oh, it’s you, you scared the hell out of me,” I said unfazed by him standing in front of me clearly unhappy.

            “I should, but evidently not enough,” he stated in a dry tone. “So you’re just gonna walk right past me and act like this didn’t just happen?”

“We can do that. It’s better than having the ‘talk’,” I said walking up the stairs. I’m surprised he let me get that far. This is a new record.

He follows me up and by the time he gets to the top of the stairs he roughly grabs me by the arm, forcing me to face him and look him in the eyes.

“You’re hurting me!” I say with a slightly raised voice.

“What is wrong with you? Why can’t you just listen? Where did I go wrong with you?” Mason asked. It was question after question.

He shook me a little after every sentence. I felt scared on the inside but on the outside I was ice.

“Mason, you’re hurting me! Get off!” I yelled loudly enough to cause Adalyn to get out of bed.

“What’s going on? Mason what are you doing?” she asked slightly awake and panicked.

“He’s hurting me!” I shout as I struggle to get away from his grasp.

“Mason let go of her! Calm down!” Adalyn softly yelled.

I was able to see the frustration in his eyes. It hurt me a little but I can’t let him see it.

“I try with you! I TRIED SO HARD!” he shouted with fury.

“Mason…Mason, calm down. Let her go and calm down!” Adalyn practically begged.

After a few seconds he did as she said. I wanted to say something but I was at a loss for words. I’ve seen Mason angry a number of times but I never thought he could be that way towards me. We argue and it’s frequent but I’ve never seen him so…tired.

“It’s alright, you need rest,” Adalyn said to Mason as she rubbed his shoulder.

She loved him, more than anything. She loves him the way I hope to love someone someday…the way I want someone to love me.

            I looked to my right to see Lila rubbing her eyes and slowly walking towards us. The commotion must have woken her up out of her sleep.

“Hey, Lila, what’s wrong?” I asked softly.

“I heard yelling and I thought I was having a bad dream,” she said quietly.

“No, sweetie, your daddy and Peyton was just talking loud, that’s all. Go back to bed,” Adalyn intervened. She took Lila’s hand and led her down the hall. “Come on, let’s go back to bed.”

As Adalyn walked Lila back to her room, Mason and I stood in the hallway by the top of the staircase in silence for a few seconds.

“No more late nights. No more going out without permission. This has to stop Peyton,” he said in a low and calm voice.

“I’ll try,” I replied back coldly.

“No, don’t try, do it. Besides, you’re not setting a good example for your cousins,” he said more stern.

“They’re not my kids so what do you care…and I don’t need you to tell me what’s good and what’s not. I know right from wrong.”

I could tell it hurt him and I know he wants to give up on me…he might as well, everyone else has.  I honestly don’t understand why he tries so hard with me. I’m not that important. I feel like part of him believes that by saving me, he’s saving my mother and father. I wish he’d understand that they’re gone and can never come back. I’m not them and never will be.

            I walked to my room, it’s big and spacious, and…me. The walls are red and it’s always dark. There’s a guitar and keyboard in one corner and drums in the other. I even have my own bathroom, so I never have to wait for anyone else. Mason always made sure I had the best of everything and he always went above and beyond. There are times I believe he cares for me more than he cares for his own children. I think he forgets that I’m not his daughter but I always remember that he’s not my father.

            Mid thoughts I undress and walk to my bathroom turning on the shower water. I hated who I was but I don’t know how to be someone else. I hate to see myself in the mirror because I only see the face of a person I never met. I already have his name but God didn’t think that was enough. He decided to give me something extra, so he gave me his same eyes, hair, and facial features. I place my hands over my face trying to block out the thought. Daddy, how come you couldn’t stay long enough for me to at least touch you? Its torture to hear the stories about how great he was and how I’m so much like him and he never even got the chance to touch me. He never knew I existed…or was going to exist.

            A tear fell from my eye and I quickly wiped it away. I’m not a crier and I wasn’t going to become one now. No sense in crying over a man I never even met before.

            I kept my shower short and got ready for bed. I hated the feeling of wet hair against my skin but I was too tired to dry it tonight. I changed into a tank top and some shorts. As soon as I lied in the bed my phone began to vibrate. The name Marcus appeared across my screen and I rolled my eyes before answering it. What could he possibly want at 4:17 on a Saturday morning; besides I was just with him.

“Hello,” I answered sounding completely unenthused.

“I thought you’d be happier to hear from me considering our night,” he said sounding like a complete jerk.

Marcus is an attractive guy but he doesn’t really understand the concept of respect. He lacks everything that a girl really wants but he’s good enough for me at the moment. We’re not dating or in an exclusive relationship and I like it that way. He’s just one of a few. He’s not my first and he won’t be my last.

“Our night wasn’t that great,” I said dryly into the phone.

“That’s not what you were saying while you were--,” I cut him off before he could finish. I don’t know why I continue this with him.

“What do you want? Why did you call me?” I asked abruptly.

“I just wanted to hear your voice before going to bed.”

“Well, you heard it. Goodnight,” I said ready to hang up.

“Wait! So that’s it? This is what you do? You give a guy a great night and then walk away?”

Honestly, it was all that I was used to since I was fifteen. It’s only been a year but a lot can happen in a year.

“It’s not like you want anything more from me,” I said in a ‘matter of fact’ tone.

“How do you know that?”

“Because boys never want anything more.”

I think the worst part is that I believed this.

“Not all boys,” he informed me.

“Just all the ones that I’ve known…and you’re one of them.”

The line was silent for a few seconds. I wondered what he was thinking.

“Maybe I want more,” he said lowly.

I thought about it for a while and within a few seconds I saw how miserable I could be in a relationship with him. On the other hand, I thought maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. It was too late…or maybe too early to think about such heavy concepts.

“I don’t know Marcus,” I said honestly.

As I turned over on my side, I winced when my arm touched the cold sheets. I sat up a bit and touched my arm. Mason must have bruised it when he grabbed me. My skin bruises easily and he held his grip for a long time. I can’t believe I made him that angry. He never touched me like that before. Mason always refused to lay a hand on me or even yell at me. He was more of a talker…at least when it came to me. He always acted as if I was this precious jewel that needs to be kept safe. When I was a kid he used to act as if I was a rare porcelain doll that may break into a million pieces if I fell or accidentally hurt myself. I smile at the thought of being young and carefree. Back then, Mason was the highlight of my day and mommy and daddy was happy in heaven. How was I more content with such a haunting thought when I was much younger? I thought the older we get the better we handle our problems.

It was too much to think about for now and I really just wanted to sleep. If my mind started to race, I would never be able to close my eyes.

Character Profile for RED: Ronan Connolly

It's October so that means it's time for another character profile for a character from my upcoming novel, RED. This character is completely new and he even gets his own POV from time to time. He's someone that I'm sure a lot of girls will like not only because of his good looks and Irish accent but because of the amount of compassion he has. He's an all around great guy! Allow me to introduce you all to.......

Ronan Connolly

Full Name: Ronan James Connolly

Birth Date: February 26, 2010

Gender: Male

Age During RED: 16-19 years old

Eye Color: Brown

Hair Color: Dirty Blonde

Height: 6'0

Weight: 185 lbs

Relatives: Jane Connolly (Mother) & Paul Connolly (Father)

Relationship Status: Completely in love and devoted to Peyton Hayley Giordano (in other words, TAKEN)

Interests/Hobbies: Photography & Art

Positive Character Traits: Ronan is an extremely compassionate and forgiving person. He doesn't hold grudges and he's probably one of the sweetest guys you'll ever come to meet. He has a great swagger about him and seems a little tough on the outside but he's completely soft and loving on the inside. He's a fantastic boyfriend/partner and believes in honesty. Basically, his parents did a great job raising him. Not to mention, he was born and raised in Ireland giving him a hot Irish accent to go with all of these things. 

Negative Character Traits: When it comes to his girlfriend he can be a bit of a pushover but that's probably because he's completely mesmerized by her. He can be blind to her actions at times. 

Choice Quote from RED: "She was temptation itself but nothing about her seemed sinful. It was all heavenly."

That's all for this month! Next month I'll have another character to introduce to you all. He's a bit of a rebel who shakes things up in the story. Without him, RED wouldn't be complete. I can't wait for you all to meet him, but for now I hope you all feel a little closer to Ronan. There will be a lot more of him in RED.  Remember, RED is the second part to A Tragic Heart and the second book in my RED TRAGEDIES series. You still have time to catch up before the release of RED!

By the way, if Ronan was a song he'd be "Simonize" by Pete Yorn. 

 

$2.99 Is The Right Price!

Today is the day A Tragic Heart is on sale for only $2.99 on Kindle! You can pick up a copy of the book before the release of the second novel to the series, RED. You should hurry because the sale ends on September 28th at 12:00 am PST and will resume to its original price of $5.99.

Here's a quick synopsis of the novel and you can find the link to the novel below:

Sixteen year old high school student Taylor Caldwell has been through the wringer of life. The love triangles, heartbreak, and stress of being a teenager is all crashing down and it's slowly igniting a fire that's bound to destroy her. It would take a miracle for her parents to remember her existence and the same goes for the only guy she has eyes for. But sometimes miracles happen...just not in the form that we want them to. All she ever wanted was an option; a way out of her turmoil...a reason to fight. She never thought that life would give her two.
With more options and decisions to make than ever before, Taylor is left with her own conscience and personal journal entries to keep her on track. Her older brother, who is also her only friend, is busy touring with his band while Taylor is battling the confusing life of coming of age. She finds solace in her boyfriend's closest cousin, causing animosity to build a bridge between two boys who were once like brothers. As if her life couldn't get any more interesting, more chilling secrets and curve balls are thrown into the mix leaving Taylor to make the ultimate choice...a choice that almost every teenager has thought about at least once in their life.

If A Tragic Heart had to be described in one phrase it would be: growing up is hard to do. You remember what it was like juggling school, a significant other(s), and trying to find yourself before you turned eighteen, don't you? Readers' responses prove that A Tragic Heart is loved by many for different reasons. One of the several themes is bound to tug on your heart's strings and take you back to a time where things weren't so simple but realizing you made it through makes all of the difference. Many people are blind to the struggles of teenagers and those beginning early adulthood to the point that it is fatal. A Tragic Heart can and will bring awareness to certain issues and give us all a better understanding of why we should be grateful that we are still here.

Click here for A Tragic Heart

A Tragic Heart's First Anniversary! (Let's Celebrate!)

Wow! Time really flew by fast! On September 27th, my debut novel, A Tragic Heart will celebrate it's first birthday. I wanted to do something special for my baby's first year so I decided to discount the price of the novel for 48 hours. That's right! Starting September 26th at 12:00 am, A Tragic Heart will only be $2.99 on Kindle. The sale ends on September 28th at 12:00 am. It's a pre-birthday/birthday celebration!

The novel has seen a decent amount of success, moving over 400 units (not bad for an indie author of no primary status) since it's release almost a year ago. More importantly, the novel has been met with critical acclaim by both readers and book reviewers. In fact, I just found out that my novel has been illegally downloaded 815 times this week and it's only Tuesday! While that may not seem like something to be proud of, the fact that the average star rating is 9.4 out of 10 makes me proud. More than anything I'm happy that people actually enjoy something I created during one of the worst times of my life. At the end of the day, it's not all about sales, it's about knowing that I created something people thoroughly enjoy. So, thank you to anyone who bothered to read the novel whether it was illegally or not.

As a lot of you know already, A Tragic Heart is part of a 4 part series entitled RED Tragedies.Basically, there's a lot more to come and I hope you all follow me into the last book and beyond.

Welp! That's all for now. Remember on September 26th starting at 12:00 am, download your copy of A Tragic Heart for only $2.99 on Kindle! Here's the link: A Tragic Heart-Kindle Edition.

In the meantime, A Tragic Heart has also just been released on Kobo for only $4.99! Link here: A Tragic Heart-Kobo