"There's a battle within that I'll never win, because it's me that I'm up against, it's my heart versus common sense."
Anyone who knows me knows that I get all of my inspiration from music and the artists who makes it. I like to think that I'm pretty well rounded in my choices and what I listen to, though I will admit that I lean more towards anything that has deep lyrical meaning. You may be wondering what this has to do with anything but since this is my first official blog post I just thought it would be a great idea to begin with something personal...and it doesn't get anymore personal than knowing about my longtime obsession with music.
As many of you know, I'm preparing to release my first novel entitled "A Tragic Heart". I couldn't be anymore excited and nervous...mostly the latter. From time to time you guys may witness me starting a blog post with a quote (more than likely taken from a song) simply because I don't always have the right words to say what I'm feeling. The only way I've ever known how to express myself was through writing which is how my first novel came to be. Almost everything I write is based off of experience or someone I've come encounter with somewhere down the road of life.
I've never been so open about anything ever in my life and it makes my stomach feel like it's doing one hundred jumping jacks per minute while trying to withstand an earthquake...okay maybe that's a bit dramatic but it's also accurate. I never put myself "out there" before and I know they say there's a first for everything but I never knew it would be this intimidating. I was never one to have a huge ego or the highest esteem which is why it feels like I'm battling myself.
I fight to tell myself that I'll do fine and this will be a success but there's always that wretched little voice in the back of my mind that quietly whispers that this will be a disaster just like most things. So I tell myself, "don't listen, this is your time," just before that little voice laughs and says "yeah, right!"
Okay! Enough with the melodrama! I'm sure that's what you're thinking by now. Maybe you're thinking, "you wrote an entire book, what are you complaining about?" Yeah, you're right about that one but it still doesn't take away that nervous feeling that follows me around everywhere. All my life I just wanted to matter and to be remembered for doing something....well memorable! Now that I have the chance it's much scarier than I thought it would be. How do you obtain greatness when you are competing with the greatest? How do you stand out when you're one in over seven billion? There's so much talent in the world that I'm afraid that mine will go unnoticed.
...But even after the bloody battle between my heart and my common sense, I know in the end I have to take a chance because if I don't we'll never know, now would we? So, even though I may sound a bit dramatic and I may even doubt myself at times, I'm going to do it anyway. Maybe doing it anyway will turn out to be another insignificant attempt in my life, but hey, at least I did it, right?
