Mistakes (A Poem From Adalyn's POV + New Scene From RED)
Another week, another poem and scene from RED. Being that it's New Year's Eve, I think a poem about making mistakes and trying to learn and get better from them will be appropriate. We all have something we want to work out for the New Year. This poem is from Adalyn's point of view. It's called Mistakes. If you missed the poem from last week you can view it here.
Mistakes are lessons
Mistakes are certain
But it's always ugly revealing what's behind the curtain
He wasn't ready for it
Neither was I
But I caused it and left us to die
Mistakes are normal
Mistakes cause heartache
But I didn't mean for his heart to break
He was never there
And I was lonely
In my heart, he's my one and only
I did something that I can't take back
There's no way of erasing the facts
But where's forgiveness when you need it?
I wait by the phone and I sit and sit
Mistakes are things we all must make
Mistakes are the things that raises the stakes
They test you when things are low
They make sure things are never the same
Mistakes cause you to remember you're the one to blame
I'm tired of pointing fingers
I just want us to be us again
But the trials from my mistake won't ever end
You left me all alone
And I may deserve it
But let's not act like you were perfect
You dreamed about her while you were awake
I was second best and that's what I can't take
You put me last when I should've been first
You buried me with her in the dirt
Now I'm done with pointing fingers
I just want to make you see
That I wasn't the only one who did something ugly
You raised her from the dead
While I was alive
So I made a mistake...that I can't deny
Here's the scene from RED that inspired Mistakes. Remember RED will be out this Valentine's Day.
“Adalyn, what’s going on?” he says frantically.
“I don’t know what happened but Lila said-” I began to speak in my weak voice before he interrupts.
“Where were you when this happened? Why don’t you know what happened?” He raises his voice.
“Um, Mason I know you’re upset but you may want to tone it down a little,” Peyton warns as she touches his shoulder.
He takes a deep breath and I decide it’s a safe time to speak.
“Look Mason, I know that you’re upset and you have so many reasons to be right now. It was a lapse in judgment on my part and-”
“Yeah, Adalyn you’ve been having a lot of those lately, haven’t you?” he snaps at me.
I look at Peyton whose face tells me how sorry she is for everything. I don’t know what to say to him. Everything I say to him is going to be wrong.
“I’ll stay here just in case someone comes out with news on Ryan. I’ll let the nurse know that I’m here with you guys. You two should head outside and talk this out,” she offers in the kindest way possible.
Mason seems hesitant about her suggestion but eventually obliges. I follow behind him like a lost puppy and can’t help but think how much I’ve missed him.
“Now will you let me explain?” I ask the moment we reached outside the hospital’s entrance.
“Go ahead,” he responds coldly.
“I let the kids play outside for a while so I could get a few things together around the house. I had no one there to watch them so I told Lila to look out for her brothers being that she’s the oldest. Everything was fine. After I finished cleaning up and making sure everything was in order I looked at the time and saw that it was time for them to eat lunch. Before I went to the kitchen I went to the backyard to check on them and told them that it was time for them to come inside. I only left for a few minutes. I honestly don’t know what happened in that short time span but I heard screaming from the kitchen so I ran as fast as I could and-” I try to hold back my tears but I’m not strong enough.
My words strangle me causing my voice to become inaudible. I swallow harshly and struggle to finish my sentence. Mason shows no signs of sympathy.
“That’s when I saw it. Ryan was floating face down in the pool. I immediately pulled him out and started CPR. Lila said she wasn’t paying attention and he and Nick were running around the pool. Nick said they wanted to see who could make the biggest splash by diving in and Ryan went first. Nick said it took him a while to come up and when he did he wasn’t moving. They know they can’t swim, I just don’t understand why they would do something like this,” I finish while wiping my tears away from my eyes.
“I know why. Because they’re kids Adalyn! That’s why you should be watching them at all times! Why would you let them play outside by themselves? Especially the backyard! You know we never let them back there alone! How could you be so God damn stupid and careless?”
“You know what, Mason? Maybe if I had some help this wouldn’t have happened! Maybe if you’d come home sometime I wouldn’t have to deal with things like this! I made a mistake and I’m so sorry! It won’t happen again!” I shout back.
“You’re damn right it won’t happen again Adalyn because I’m getting custody of my children! I didn’t want life to change for them too drastically but this stunt that you pulled leaves me no choice at all. I’m calling my lawyer first thing in the morning!”
Something comes over me. I’m not sure what it is but it takes over my entire body. I’ve never felt anger rise inside of me so quickly. He wants to challenge me for my children. This is what we’ve come to.
I draw my hand back and smack him harder than I thought I could. The left side of his face turns red in an instant. For the first time in a long time, I don’t feel sorry.
“What the fuck?!” he shouts loud enough for the entire parking lot to hear.
“If you think that you’re going to take my children away from me and I won’t fight you, you have another thing coming to you, Mason! I made one mistake by cheating on you but you don’t get to take it out on them! What happened today could have happened if either one of us was watching them. Don’t try to make me sound like a bad parent when I was the one who practically raised them while you were always away working somewhere or obsessing over your dead ex-wife!” I state pointing my index finger at him as if I’m reprimanding a child.
“You have no right to talk to me this way, Adalyn,” he says in a much deeper tone.
Mason can be scary when he’s angry but I don’t let it bother me. I have to show him that I’m capable of being stronger than him.
“You’re an asshole, Mason! You want to know why I’ve been so side tracked lately? It’s because of you. It’s because you won’t talk to me or even look at me! It’s because you’re not even man enough to confront what happened between us. Instead you want to run away as if that’s going to fix things. Well it’s not! You ran away from Taylor, you ran away from Peyton, and now you’re running away from your family. Stop running and learn to deal with the cards given to you! Whether you like it or not you need to come back home so we can settle things like adults. You can keep your new fancy condo just in case you decide we can’t make it. I really don’t give a damn about the decisions you make anymore, Mason, but at least respect your family enough to decide together. You may not want me right now and it’s completely okay with me because at this moment I’m not sure if I want to be with you either!”
Before he can speak another word Peyton comes out to tell us that the doctor would like to see us. I don’t wait for Mason to make a move. Instead I quickly walk back into the entrance of the hospital ignoring everything else around me. Mason can rot in hell for all I care. He’s not going to get away with trying to take my babies away from me. They are all I have left.